


Dedication Takes a Lifetime (Dreams Only Last for a Night)

by LaurentiaPayne



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Depressed Harry, Fluff and Angst, Gay Male Character, Larry Stylinson - friendship, Larry Stylinson rumours, Liam is being a dick basically, Lirry - Freeform, Lirry Stayne, Lirry feels, M/M, Male Homosexuality, Male Slash, Romance, Secret Relationship, Slash, depressed harry is returning though, idek, lirry fic, this turned out way more romantic than i expected
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-07-30
Updated: 2013-08-15
Packaged: 2017-12-21 22:24:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/905651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LaurentiaPayne/pseuds/LaurentiaPayne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <b>Falling in love with one of your band mates is pretty bad. Not being able to show the world how much you love someone is far, far worse.</b>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Harry had never said it out loud, but it was sort of a given that he was <i>at least</i> bi. So he didn't even think twice about what people would say when, or if, they found out.<br/>Liam, however, did. So he came up with the idea of keeping it secret. And what would be a better cover-up than him having a girlfriend? He thought the idea was brilliant. Harry did not. But what choice did he have?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first work I've ever put online. I'm not sure about this story, how long it will be our how it will end. But I'm just gonna go with it, hoping someone will read it. If you do, please don't hesitate to ask anything or leave any other comments, if you want to you can do it on http://laurentiapayne.tumblr.com/. xx

Harry had no idea how it had happened. Any of it. Being put into a boy band along with four strangers. Getting to the finals of The X Factor. Signing a record deal with Simon Cowell. Travelling the world with their music. Getting hundreds, and then thousands, and then millions, of fans. Falling in love with one of his band mates.  
Especially that last bit was confusing. Sure, all five of the boys had gotten along surprisingly well right from the start. Harry quickly found different things in all of them that he absolutely adored. Niall’s ability to always put a smile on his face. Zayn’s charm that made it impossible to ever say no to him. Louis’s cheekiness that could brighten up even the toughest of times. Liam’s sensibility that gave him a sense of security and being cared for. 

And that was exactly what had made Harry fall head over heels for Liam. With Harry being the youngest, they had all taken him in like a baby brother. But Liam being Liam, he cared more for Harry than the others. More than the rest of them combined, actually.  
Harry didn’t even appreciate it at first. The way Liam was always checking up on him, asking where he was, whom he was with. Making sure he was comfortable with everything they were doing and all the attention they were getting. Trying to keep him from partying too much and too hard. It was rubbing him the wrong way, making him feel like he was at home with his parents again.  
But after a while, it grew on him. He liked knowing that someone thought about him when he wasn’t there. That he wouldn’t be found by the paps on a street somewhere, passed out from last night’s drinking. That there was always a warm embrace waiting for him when he needed it. 

~

It happened on a rainy day off on their first tour. They were all worn out from the seemingly non-stop routine of travelling, meeting fans, doing interviews and if that wasn’t enough, putting on a great show every night. Luckily, they had been put in a hotel suite for the day instead of just hanging around the tour bus. They had declined all sorts of activities their managers had offered to take them to. Instead, they had split up in town, two of them getting heaps of candy and cakes and crisps from a Sainsbury’s across the street from the hotel, the other three trying to decide whether to get pizza or McDonald’s (and obviously end up getting both).  
They collected all the mattresses, quilts, blankets and pillows they could find and threw them all in to a huge pit of cosiness in front of the huge plasma-TV. After hours of eating, playing FIFA and play fighting each other, the boys drifted off to sleep one by one. They sure needed it, Harry did too, but he wasn’t able to fall asleep. He thought he was the only one awake when he heard a silent humming on his right.

“Shit, sorry, did I wake ya?” Liam asked when Harry looked up at him. He smiled.  
“No, no. I wasn’t sleeping.” They were silent again, just looking at each other. Liam’s eyes seemed to be stuck somewhere above Harry’s, probably on his curls, but he was probably somewhere completely different in his thoughts. Harry couldn’t help but wonder.  
“What are you thinking of, Li?” he asked quietly. Liam shrugged slightly.  
“Dunno. Nothing. Everything. How we ended up here, and how lucky we’ve been.” Harry nodded.  
“What are you thinking about, Hazza?”  
“Your birthmark,” he said with a crooked smile.  
“My birthmark?!” Liam blurted out, immediately throwing his hands up to cover his mouth. He looked over at the other boys to make sure he hadn’t woken any of them. They were still sound asleep.  
“Yes, your birthmark. I like it,” he mumbled as he let his thumb graze the dark spot on Liam’s neck. He could feel Liam swallow, hard.  
“What?” he couldn’t help but ask. Liam cheeks turned a slightly darker shade of pink. He shook his head quickly.  
“Nothing. It’s just sensitive.” Harry pulled his hand away.  
“Did I hurt you?”  
“Gosh, no, Hazza. Chill. It doesn’t hurt. It’s just sensitive, you know… Ticklish. Just like you are-“ Harry didn’t get a chance to pull away before Liam’s fingers were on his stomach, “-right here!”  
The squeal Harry let out was not only a little too loud, but a little too girly as well. He tried to pull away from Liam but the other boy was stronger. Tickling Harry with one hand while pressing the other one over his mouth, both to keep him quiet and to stop him from getting away, the youngster didn’t stand a chance. Not at all amused with being totally out of control, he licked the inside of Liam’s hand. It _almost_ did the trick; Liam stopped tickling him, but still wouldn’t let him go. Instead, they just stopped, both a little out of breath. They were looking so deeply into each other’s eyes that Harry was afraid Liam would see right into his brain. He could feel the other boy’s heart beating hard against his chest, still pressed against Harry’s. Liam moved his hand slightly, caressed his cheek, and placed it on Harry’s neck. It was his time to swallow, even harder. He knew what was coming, the air was thick of it, and he was completely and one hundred percent on board with it.

The kiss was magical. There was no other way to describe it. It was so gentle, and only lasted a few seconds, but Harry swore he felt his life changing right then and there.  
Liam was the one to break the kiss, and it made Harry want to cry feeling his lips part from his friend’s. Or what the hell he was.  
“Harry, I’m…” Liam started. He couldn’t make eye contact with Harry.  
“Hey. It’s okay, okay?” The other boy still couldn’t look at him, so Harry cupped his hand around Liam’s chin and turned his head upwards, firmly looking into his eyes. “It’s _okay_.” Liam looked absolutely devastated. He pushed himself away from Harry, not bothering to be cautious about the others. Zayn woke up from his sleep, and when Liam left the room slamming the door behind him, so did Louis.  
“What happened? Where is he going?” Louis asked. 

Harry didn’t know what to say.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry spills his heart out to Louis, and there's a flashback to how the whole fake relationship between Liam and Danielle started.

Hugging. Piggyback rides. Hitting crotches. Pulling jeans down. Whispering in each other’s ears.  
It made the crowd go crazy, they knew that. And they kind of loved it.  
It wasn’t just Liam and Harry, of course. It was all of them. That was just what they did. They were the cheeky boy band, always messing about, playing jokes and tricks on one another on stage. It had always been like that - off stage as well. With people like Louis and Niall involved, how could they avoid it? 

Of course, it started off just as a prank the other boys pulled on Harry. When they were standing behind him during his solo in What Makes You Beautiful, they started doing things to annoy him and make him mess up. They would tickle him, touch his face, play with his hair. He’d seen them make funny faces or silly dance moves behind his back. Then, it escalated. Pinching his bum. Ripping his shirt open. Pulling his jeans down.  
He wasn’t embarrassed because everyone saw his naked torso or his underwear. He was embarrassed because the boys humiliated him at this very time every single night because they knew there was _nothing_ he could do about it. They knew he had to focus on the solo, so they took the opportunity. 

But Harry wasn’t one to give up without a fight, of course. The hitting crotch-thing was his revenge. He loved it. Nothing made the crowd go crazier. The fact that his hand was brushing against Liam’s (most of the times) cock, albeit through his jeans, was just a bonus. Sometimes, he got a little too carried away with it, and left his hand there for a little longer. Liam hated him for doing that – _what are people gonna think, Harry?_ – but he did it anyway. 

The fans loved it. And they would never make anything of it, they all agreed on. It was their thing. They were the cheeky boy band. And with all of them messing about like that, who would even notice that it was more than just messing about for two of them? When Harry pinched Liam’s bum as he walked by, it looked no weirder than when he did it to any of the other boys.  
Of course, no one in the crowd could hear the things they were whispering to each other.  
 _You naughty, naughty boy_. _Do that again and I’ll rip your clothes of here and now_. _I’m going to fuck you so hard tonight_. 

Nobody knew, because Liam didn’t want them to know. And no matter how many times he explained why, Harry couldn’t understand it. But he went along with it. He realised that it was better to have a secret relationship with Liam than no relationship at all. No matter how many lies he had to tell. No matter how much it hurt. It was worth it. At least, that was what he kept telling himself. 

~

Louis and Eleanor were coming over. They had sort of invited themselves over, because Harry was feeling a bit down. Missing his boyfriend, who was visiting his parents for the week. Of course you’d be a little down, your loved one being hours away. At least that was what Louis had told Eleanor. The truth of the matter was that Louis could tell that Harry was worse than he had been in a while. And they needed to talk, but mostly, Louis didn’t want him to be alone.  
Eleanor knew about the arrangement, it would’ve been impossible to keep it from her. But she didn’t know all about how Harry felt about the whole thing. She thought they were both happy with keeping it a secret, just like everybody else did. Except for Louis. He knew. He had to know. Harry would’ve gone crazy a long time ago if he wouldn’t have been able to even talk to Louis about this. He wasn’t sure it was really helping, though; no matter how long they spent talking about it, he still couldn’t kiss Liam when they were around other people, he couldn’t write cute tweets about missing him, he couldn’t dedicate songs to him on stage. Like he wanted to do. Like he was _dying_ to do.

“Hi doll!” Eleanor handed him a box of pizza and hugged him, dragging it out a little and placing a peck on his cheek. “You alright, love?” Harry nodded.  
“Fine. Hi. Come on in!” He took a step back to make room for them both in the doorway. Louis handed him a six-pack of Coronas and hugged him, tightly.  
“You sure?” he asked, and Harry nodded again.  
“Positive. Let’s eat, I’m fucking starving,” he said and started walking towards his kitchen. He could hear the other two whispering behind him, and it annoyed the living shit out of him, but he wasn’t going to say anything. He didn’t want them to know that he was inches away from falling apart inside.  
Louis entered the kitchen right after him, but Eleanor was nowhere to be seen.  
“Where’d El go?” Harry asked.  
“Bathroom,” Louis said with a slight shrug. “So, you can be honest about it now. How are you really?” 

Harry didn’t know what to say; he didn’t want to tell Louis how terrible he was feeling, but he was dying to talk to someone about it.  
“I don’t know. S’not my best day, man,” he let out. He had to force himself to keep his voice steady, didn’t want to show Louis how bad it really was. “It’s just. I don’t know. I miss him, and I love him so much, fuck, I love him! And he won’t let me show it. Do you know what a perfect boyfriend I would be, if only he’d fucking let me?”  
“What would you do? If you didn’t have to hide anything, what would you have done?” Louis asked.  
“I’d send him five thousand tweets saying how much I miss him. I’d make a twitcam where I’d just be sitting there with my guitar playing him love songs. I’d send hundreds of roses to his house, announcing that, too, on twitter. So that everyone would see it. Everyone would know. That he is mine. _Mine_.” Harry took a deep breath, swallowing the lump that was forming in his throat.  
“You soppy, romantic little shit. Are you on your period or something?” Louis joked, and Harry couldn’t stop himself from smiling.  
“No but, I just… You know.” Louis nodded. “And it’s this whole thing with us. You and me.” Harry gave Louis a more serious look.  
“What about it? That’s just bullshit, everyone knows it,” Louis said, but Harry shook his head at him.  
“No Louis, not everyone knows that. Have you seen the things people put online? How they are analysing every single picture or video of us?”  
Louis nodded, again.  
“It’s just frustrating, you know? Because I just want to reply to every single person tweeting me a pic of the two of us saying how cute we look, with sending them a picture of me and Liam, just together or kissing or fucking or whatever, saying _No, you twat! This, on the other hand, looks cute._ ” Harry threw his head back and sighed. “I don’t know, bro. There’s nothing to do about it, eh? Liam will come back and I will cry about it and he will get upset and I will tell him that it’s fine and we will kiss and everything will stay exactly the same. Whatever.”  
Louis looked him up and down, and probably realised he wouldn’t get more out of him right now. So he just squeezed his hand firmly to show how much he cared.  
“El babe! The pizza’s getting cold!” Louis shouted, and Harry suspected the only reason she had gone to the bathroom in the first place, was so Harry and Louis could talk in private. 

“Have you seen Danielle lately?” Harry asked Eleanor when they sat down at the table to eat. She swallowed the bit of pizza in her mouth and nodded.  
“Yeah, just yesterday actually. Went for lunch with her.”  
“How is she doing?” Harry wasn’t sure why he was asking this; he didn’t really care how Danielle was doing. Perhaps he was hoping it would lead to something about Liam.  
“Good. Yeah. Really good. She had just signed for another year with The X Factor, actually.” Harry broke out in a huge smile that he hoped didn’t look all that fake. “She was talking about some boy she’d met, actually. At a club or something. Really fancied him but… Yeah. You know.”  
“What? What did she say? Did she hook up with him or something?” Harry was getting nervous.  
“No, no. Don’t think so. I mean. She couldn’t, right? So no, I guess not. I think she gave him her number though.” Oh, great. Just great. Their cover-up starting to fall out of character. Another thing for Liam to worry about. _Fucking great_. 

~

“Harry, I can’t do it anymore. The lying. Sneaking around. It’s killing me,” Liam had said with a desperation that was rarely in his voice. Harry grabbed both of his hands.  
“So we’ll just tell everyone?” This only seemed to make Liam panic even more.  
“Wha- No! Are you crazy? We are not telling anyone!” Harry could literally feel his heart sink. Of course not. When was he going to learn to not get his hopes up about this? Liam was frightened of anyone finding out about them. He knew what it meant, because everyone thought he was completely straight. Including himself, up until a few months ago.  
Harry didn’t really know what he was. Well, he had always been certain that love or attraction wasn’t based on gender. It wasn’t like he had ever commented on his sexuality; it seemed to be pretty obvious to everyone that he was _at least_ bi. And since everyone seemed to be completely fine with it, he never worried about it. 

But Liam worried. He was confused out of his mind, and Harry knew this. They spoke about it a lot, Harry trying to help him through it. But the idea of his friends and family and the fans and basically everyone knowing was just a little too much. Still.  
“Well then… What do you want to do?” Harry asked. Liam looked like he was about to cry.  
“I don’t know, babe, I don’t fucking know!” Now he really was crying. Harry pulled him in for a tight hug and he sobbed into Harry’s neck for a while.  
“Maybe,” he started, sniffling a little, “if I didn’t have to lie as much…” Harry had no idea where he was going with this. “I could say… That I was in a relationship… Just not say who with?” Liam offered.  
“And you don’t think they’re gonna want to know all about it? Who it is? How you met? Where you have sex?” Harry blurted out, because he frankly thought the idea sucked. Liam looked at him, eyes still filled with tears. _Fuck you for being an adorable puppy_ , Harry thought, and pulled him in again.  
“I mean, there is no way you’re gonna be able to have a secret relationship. Nuh-uh. They’re gonna try and dig up every little detail about it, and what happens when they find out that there are no details to be found?” Harry stroke Liam’s hair, trying to calm him down, because he knew he was being a bit harsh. It was tough for Liam, this whole thing. But it was tough for Harry, too. In a different way, maybe. But still so fucking tough. 

Liam stayed quiet for a while, just enjoying Harry's soft touch.  
“What if there was details, then? If I gave them a name and showed them a picture, I mean… Maybe I could even get the girl to go along with it?” Harry tried not to laugh. This was getting more and more silly.  
“And who the hell would that be?” Liam chewed on his bottom lip as he was trying to think of an answer to Harry’s question. Then he lit up.  
“Danielle! She’s perfect! We know each other really well, there’s loads of pictures of us hanging out… We have the perfect story for how we met, and we’ve been close for quite a while now. It’s perfect, Harry, isn’t it?” _Perfect? Far from it_ , Harry thought, but he couldn’t say that to the boy he cared so much about. He shrugged.  
“But Liam, that will just be another heap of lies you have to tell?”  
“Yes but they will still be a little bit of truth, won’t they? I don’t have to be referred to as ‘single’ anymore,” he said. Harry sighed.  
“What about me, then? I’m still lying about being single, do you think that I like it any more than you do?” Clearly, Liam hadn’t thought about this. He was chewing his lip again, looking a lot more uncertain this time.  
“Well… You could be in a relationship, too? We’d just have to find someone who’d be willing to fake it for you…” Liam looked at him shyly. He knew Harry hated the idea. Harry didn’t even get a chance to open his mouth to protest before he continued. “Or, you could still be single? I mean… I know it sucks. But… You’re much better at acting single than I am. You know… I think management would like you to stay single.” Fuck, he was right. Harry had always been portrayed as the heartthrob, and being in a relationship didn’t rhyme too well with that. Another sigh escaped his lips.  
“I guess so.” Liam leaned in for a kiss, knowing he’d won yet another argument about this.  
“I will talk to Dani first thing in the morning,” Liam said, suddenly very happy. “Okay? And we’ll sort out a story so good even you will believe it.”  
He had no idea how much his words hurt Harry. All he wanted to do was to show the world that they were together, that they belonged together. But apparently, that was too much to ask.  
“If that’s what you want.” 

Liam kissed him again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't yet decided exactly when this story takes place, not sure if I wanna make it 2013. I guess it will work itself out, haha. But just to be clear, we're in the middle of the story and Liam and Harry have been together for quite a while, and there will be flashbacks like the one with the Danielle thing here to 'explain' their relationship and how they got together. 
> 
> Thoughts/comments are super appreciated! If anyone's reading this, I hope you enjoy it. Haha xx  
> http://laurentiapayne.tumblr.com/


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liam is still out of town, and Harry is still missing him like crazy. He goes out and gets drunk but ends up back in his bed on the phone with Liam.

Harry wasn’t _that_ drunk. He swore he wasn’t. It was just his generally bad mood that made him feel like shit. Yeah, that was it. Another round of tequila shots wouldn’t kill him.  
“Sure about that?” Nick laughed as he told the bartender to pour them another round. Harry flipped him off and downed his shot before the others had even gotten theirs. 

It was a decent night. Liam wouldn’t be home for another two days, so he didn’t have to feel all that guilty about getting hammered. And to be honest, he really needed it. The past week had completely ripped him apart. For some reason, he thought he would enjoy some alone time. No boyfriend, no work stuff, nothing that needed to be done.  
Would he have preferred to join Liam on his trip back home, attending a wedding together and spending some time getting to know his family better? Well, yes. But that clearly wasn’t an option. Who brought a random friend, a colleague even, as a date to their cousin’s wedding? Which, for all Liam’s family knew, was all he was.  
So he had told Liam to go on his own, that it would probably just be good for them to spend some time apart. Longing for each other. It would make it so much better when he got back. 

Well, it didn’t exactly go according to plan. Harry had spent most of the days in bed with his curtains closed. It wasn’t so much that he didn’t have anything to do; he just didn’t want to.  
He had a lot of time to think about stuff, stuff that he normally would put inside a tiny box in the back of his head and throw away the key to it. One of the things that he spent a lot of time on each day was making little lists in his head. 

_Things Liam dislike about me._  
 _Things Liam find embarrassing about me._  
 _Things Liam would rather do than tell people about us._

He couldn’t stop himself from doing it, even though he knew most of it was probably not true and just made him feel a million times worse about himself. But he did it anyway. He knew that Liam didn’t want to tell anybody was because he wasn’t ready. Fine. But was he ever going to be ready? It had been years now. And Harry knew that Liam loved him, he really did. But what he couldn’t understand was why Liam didn’t want other people to know it as well. There was nothing Harry wanted more than to show the world how much he loved his boyfriend. So why didn’t Liam want the same thing?  
This was where thoughts like _“you’re not good enough for him”_ and _“you’re not worth it”_ popped into Harry’s head. And it hurt, so freaking bad. 

So yeah, this night out was probably more than decent (at least compared to most of the nights he had had that week). He tried to ignore all the worried texts he was getting from the Louis, Niall and his sister. It was a mistake to tell them that he was going out with Nick and George, since they knew how he usually ended up on those nights. And with no Liam there to bring him back home safely, they all acted like he was going to get himself killed any minute now.  
He had told Liam he was just having Nick and George over for a movie night. Liam would be at the wedding all night, so he wouldn’t check on him all the time. Harry felt bed about lying, but he actually wanted his boyfriend to have a good time without having to worry all night. He would just tell him later how the other guys had gotten tired of watching movies and dragged him along to a bar, or something. 

“Mate, that’s like the tenth extremely fuckable girl I’ve had to drag away from you. You feeling alright? Fever?” George said with a laugh, and put a hand on his forehead to see if he was feeling warm. This was exactly why Harry hated not being with the boys in the band. People who had no idea why he was not even remotely interested in any of the girls, or guys for that matter, who tried to get his attention – no matter how fuckable.  
“Not feeling it tonight, bro,” he said with a slight shrug. George turned to Nick with an _is he completely out of his mind_ -look on his face. Nick threw his head back and laughed.  
“Well, Mopey, we need to do something to cheer you up. If you don’t want us to find you a shag, at least get that arse on the dance floor? You know you love it,” Nick said. Harry really didn’t feel like dancing, but it wasn’t like it could make things any worse. 

He didn’t make it to the dance floor. In fact, he barely made it two steps before falling into George’s arms. His friends were close to pissing their pants with laughter.  
“Harry mate. I think it’s time to get you back home,” George said as he dried a few tears away from the corner of his eye. They were both still laughing when they finally got Harry in a cab, and waved him off by blowing him a few kisses as the car drove off. 

~

It took him probably a good fifteen minutes more than normally to climb out of the taxi, find his keys and get himself in the lift and up to his flat. When he finally had made it there and thrown himself on the bed, he realised how much the room was spinning. Fuck, how had he gotten this drunk? 

There was an aching deep inside his stomach reminding him of just how lonely he was right now. After his drunken nights out, he’d often have Liam waiting for him in his bed. They’d lay awake and talk about crazy things, or just make out for hours. God, Harry loved kissing Liam. And for some reason, he loved it even more when he was drunk and tired and needy.  
Sure, he could get horny as fuck and just want to slam his boyfriend against the wall when he had been drinking. But usually, he just wanted Liam to help him get out of his clothes, and lie on the bed and cuddle and kiss for what felt like ages. 

There was no Liam around. Harry grabbed one of the pillows from Liam’s side of the bed and hugged it tightly. Inhaling the familiar and oh so sweet smell of his boyfriend. He was close to tears, and started searching his pockets desperately to find his phone. 

“Hi, hang on Harry, I’m just gonna go find somewhere more quiet, just a second,” Liam said on the other end of the line. Harry could hear music and laughter in the background.  
“Sorry, hi honey, I’m still at the wedding. It’s getting pretty mental,” he said with a little laugh. Harry honestly didn’t want to hear about it. He just wanted to be there, with his boyfriend, all dressed up, crying over how beautiful the happy couple looked, hugging the love of his life tightly on the dance floor.  
“Sounds like fun,” was all he said.  
“It is. It was such a beautiful ceremony; it was at this super cute little chapel in the middle of nowhere, so beautiful. And the bride and the groom and every single person there cried their eyes out, I thought I was going to die!” Liam laughed. “And the food is great and everyone’s really enjoying themselves and everything is just so beautiful,” he continued, and Harry almost hung up on him. _He didn’t want to hear about it_.  
“How lovely,” he managed to get out.  
“Yeah… Yes. Absolutely lovely,” Liam said, sounding slightly confused. After all, Harry was the one who had told him to go to the wedding and have a great time. And that was exactly what he did. How could he know how much it hurt that he didn’t even seem to think twice about wanting Harry to be there with him? 

Harry didn’t say anything for a while.  
“I miss you, babe,” Liam said, voice lower and more serious. _Do you?_ , Harry wanted to ask, but of course, he didn’t. He sniffed Liam’s pillow again.  
“I miss you too.”  
“What did you do today?” Liam asked, and Harry knew he had to tell the truth.  
“Uhm, nothing special really. Nick and George came over. Watched a couple of movies. Then they wanted to go out, so yeah… We went to this bar. Had a few drinks,” he said, and he could actually feel Liam wrinkle his forehead with worry.  
“Yeah?” It was never a good thing when Liam used one-word sentences.  
“But I’m back in bed now,” Harry said, trying to calm him down.  
“Did you not have a good time?” What kind of a question was that? Liam was always the first one to make Harry feel guilty about going out too much. He absolutely hated it when Harry was drunk.  
“Well… You know? It was the same as always. Really crowded. Sort of crap music. Yeah. Same old, same old,” Harry said.  
“Louis told me you’ve been pretty down since I’ve been away?” Liam said, not even acknowledging what Harry had just said. _That little bitch_ , Harry thought, and sighed loudly. He didn’t know what to say, so he didn’t say anything. 

“Harry babe? You still there?” Harry nodded, until he realised Liam couldn’t see him. Fuck, he was still pretty hammered.  
“Yeah.”  
“Is everything alright, Harry? You know you can talk to me about anything. I want to know if something’s bothering you. I just want you to be happy. Tell me. You can tell me anything,” Liam said.  
 _Can I really, though?_ , Harry thought. _Can I tell you how much you are hurting me by hiding our relationship from the world? Can I tell you that you’re the reason I doubt myself every single day, wondering what’s wrong with me, thinking of ways to change myself for the better? Can I tell you that I can’t help but wonder if everything would be a lot easier if we had never met?_ Of course he couldn’t tell Liam any of that. He hated himself for even thinking it.  
“I miss you,” was all he said.  
“I’ll be home soon, honey. We can go somewhere, just the two of us; get a hotel room somewhere out of town or something. Just you and me. We’ll take a break from the world,” Liam said, knowing he wouldn’t get anything else out of his boyfriend tonight.  
“Okay,” Harry almost whispered.  
“You should get some sleep, Haz. We’ll talk more tomorrow, okay? Get something to eat and drink some water, and go to sleep.” Harry smiled. No matter how far away, Liam would still try and take care of him. “I’ll be home before you know it.”  
“I love you, Liam,” Harry said.  
“I love you too, Harry. More than anything,” Liam said, and ended the call. 

Harry cried in to Liam’s pillow until the sun was rising outside of his windows.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A quick flashback to when Liam started telling people about his (fake) relationship with Danielle, then the two boys reunite after Liam's trip and Harry is happy again (for now).

When Liam first came up with the idea of pretending to have a girlfriend, Harry thought it was a stupid idea. But it wasn’t until the story was in full swing that he realised just how much he _hated_ it. 

It was fine at first. When Liam still never talked about whom the person he was seeing actually was. Harry remembered actually feeling really good about it, when Liam just said that he was _“kinda seeing someone”_ or _“in a relationship”_. Because then, Harry knew that Liam was talking about him. Back then, it didn’t even matter that no one knew about it – because _they_ knew.   
Not even the rest of the boys knew back then. And Harry put on a real good show, pretending to be just as curious as the rest of them about who this mystery lover was. 

(They actually had quite fun with it at first; Liam not wanting to tell the boys who he was seeing, Harry nagging him along with the others. Then, when they were alone, Harry continued the charade.   
“Who is your mystery lover, Leeyum?”   
Liam would giggle.   
“I won’t tell.”   
“What if I… _Made_ you tell?” Harry would mock.   
“There’s nothing you can do to make me tell you who it is,” Liam would explain, trying to put a stern look on his face.   
“You sure about that?” Harry would whisper into his ear and drop to his knees.) 

But when the pictures of Liam and Danielle would start to spread, there was no point in hiding their relationship anymore. Well, fake relationship, but no one was supposed to know that part.   
Harry still remembered the first time Liam had talked about it. He remembered, because of all the things that had been painful about this whole thing, that had been the worst.

It was in an interview with a radio station somewhere (Harry couldn’t remember exactly – they all kind of melted in to one another), and the interviewer brought up the who’s-single-and-who’s-taken-issue. But this time, after the boys had given their standard answers, she showed them a few pictures. 

Liam and Danielle having coffee together. Liam and Danielle walking arm in arm in the park. Liam and Danielle entering a bookshop. 

They were all completely innocent, and the boys all knew that Liam and Danielle had done nothing but hang out as friends. But this was all part of Liam’s master plan. They would hang out a lot in public places, and people would eventually draw their own conclusions. Which was exactly what this interviewer had done. 

“Yes, that is my girlfriend,” Liam started. Harry felt physically ill. “Her name is Danielle Peazer, and we’ve known each other for quite some time know actually. She is a dancer at The X Factor, so we met through there. And we connected immediately, got along really well, so… Yeah. One thing lead to another, so to speak,” he said and laughed a little.   
It was all true, they had met at The X Factor and they had gotten along really well right from the start. The only thing was that neither of them was ever interested in each other in that way. 

(Danielle later claimed that she had known all along that Liam was gay – it was the _‘business gaydar’_ , she said.) 

“We wanted to keep the relationship a secret because we weren’t really sure where it was going, and Dani’s a really private person so she didn’t want everyone to know, and I respected that,” Liam continued.   
The interviewer asked a few more questions about the relationship, and then that was that. It was all out there. The fans went crazy, of course; immediately dividing into _‘we hate Danielle and she doesn’t deserve our Liam’_ and _‘we love Liam and will support him no matter what’_. Harry only went on twitter for two minutes in between the interview and the obligatory photo-op for the people at the radio station, but he still managed to catch quite a few extremely nasty comments about the whole thing. 

Harry couldn’t even look at Liam, afraid he’d burst out in tears. The whole thing was pretty much unbearable. The way Liam didn’t even hesitate to say any of it, playing his role impeccably. And the way he didn’t really seem to care, he just went along with it, laughing and giggling about it all.   
He noticed Liam trying to get his attention, but he wasn’t ready for that. He knew he couldn’t make the effort to smile about it, let alone give Liam a light hug to ensure him everything was all right. Because it wasn’t. So he just avoided Liam. 

When they were getting ready for the pictures that were being taken, Harry made sure to stay as far away from Liam as possible. He knew it was a bit harsh. It wasn’t really Liam’s fault; they had both agreed on doing this. That it was for the best. And Harry knew Liam wasn’t ready to tell anyone the truth. But it was still painful.   
Harry was on the far left, putting his arm around Zayn’s back. And just when he had finally forced himself to smile for the camera, he felt Liam placing his hand on top of Harry’s. It was a sweet gesture, and Harry carefully entwined their fingers together. But it only made him feel worse about it, having to do this with such discretion, literally behind everybody’s back. 

Harry wasn’t smiling in that picture.

~

Liam sent a text saying he was going to be about ten more minutes. Harry wiped his palms on his jeans; for some reason, he was extremely nervous about seeing his boyfriend again. He took a final look at everything he had set up to make sure it was all perfect.   
The table was set with the glasses of wine already filled and the huge bouquet of red roses he had bought sitting in a vase. There were candles everywhere; apart from the two he’d put on the table, there were probably a hundred more spread out all over the room. He’d docked his iPod in the speakers and put a playlist with Joshua Radin, Birdy and James Morrison on shuffle, volume down low. The flat was tidied and the bedding changed. In the oven was the meal he’d prepared waiting. There really wasn’t anything else to do, but wait. 

Harry heard Liam fidgeting with his keys outside the door, and got up. When the door finally swung open, he couldn’t stop himself from jumping his boyfriend. Liam laughed and hugged him tightly, picking him up from the floor. Harry put his legs around Liam’s waist and kissed him passionately.   
No matter how down he had been feeling, and no matter how much nervous he had been about seeing Liam again, it was all gone now. He felt a warmth spreading in his entire body when he felt Liam’s lips on his own and inhaled the sweet scent of Liam (and no pillow in the world could even begin to compare with the real thing). 

“Harry,” Liam whispered between their kisses, “I’ve missed you so bloody much, you have no idea.”   
“Trust me babe, I know _exactly_ what you mean,” Harry said and placed a kiss on Liam’s neck.   
“What-“ Liam dropped his bag on the floor, and nearly dropped Harry as well “- the _hell_ Harry, did you do all of this?!” He put Harry down slowly and looked over his shoulder with his jaw dropped. Harry turned to look at the scenery, and smiled.   
“Yeah.”   
“For… For _me_?” Liam stumbled, and Harry laughed.   
“No, Liam, for my other boyfriend, did I mention him? You should probably get going, he’ll be here any minute now!” Liam smacked his shoulder.   
“That’s not funny! But how did you… When… _Why_ did you do all of this?!”   
Harry shrugged.  
“Because I’ve missed you.” 

Liam looked at him with such a passion; Harry could see the adoration in his eyes. He felt satisfied, and a little proud. This was why he put up with all the pain of being in this relationship. Because of the way Liam made him feel when it was just the two of them and he let his real feelings show. And he wasn’t very good at disguising how he felt; Harry could always see it in his eyes. That was why he never once had doubted how much Liam loved him - even though he wouldn’t let anybody else know about it.   
But in moments like these, he didn’t care. This was what he lived for. Having Liam look at him with those adoring eyes, knowing he made his boyfriend truly and deeply happy.   
“You, Harold Edward Styles, is officially the best boyfriend that ever lived,” Liam sighed and pulled him in for another passionate kiss. “And I love you with all of my heart.”   
“I love you too, Liam… More than words can say.” 

~

They finished their dinner rather quickly. Liam spent most of it talking about the wedding and how he had taken his sisters out for a boat ride on the lake and how nice it had been to get away from the craziness of their everyday lives. It should’ve bothered Harry to hear about all of it; but it didn’t. Liam seemed so happy and Harry was glad that he had had a good time – just like he’d told him to have. So he sat back in silence and listened to it all with a smile, just admiring his beautiful boyfriend and the way he told his stories with such expression.

When their plates were empty, Liam got up from his seat and walked over to his suitcase. He brought back a little paper bag that he handed to Harry.   
“What’s this?”   
“Well, nothing really… Just a little something I wanted you to have. But compared to all of this…” Liam threw his hands out and looked around the room once again. Harry took his hand.   
“Hey, it wasn’t that big of a deal. It’s just dinner.” He didn’t want Liam to feel bad. 

He looked inside the paper bag and saw a pile of cookies wrapped in plastic, and immediately lit up. It was his favourite cookies. Liam had brought them back to London from one of his trips home years ago, and Harry had tasted one. It was like chewing on a piece of heaven. There was nothing special about them, really; they just tasted so different from any kind of cookie he had ever eaten. He loved them, and knew that the little bakery in Wolverhampton where Liam got them was the only place that you could get them. (He’d tried _a lot_ of cookies from _a lot_ of bakeries in search of them; so yeah, he knew.) 

“Oh my God, you remembered?” he said, unable to hide the excitement in his voice. A wide smile spread across Liam’s face.   
“Of course I remembered, silly. I remember everything about you.” Harry blushed a little, it was all so sweet. And again, he realised how little he cared about anyone else knowing about them. As long as they had what they had, and Liam kept being this amazing, sweet, adoring boyfriend, it was fucking worth it. The idea of not having this, not having Liam, was more than he could bear; it was practically unthinkable. 

He put the bag on the table and walked over to Liam. Harry sat down on his lap and put his arms around Liam’s strong neck, kissing him softly on the lips.   
“I want you to pick me up, carry me through the flat, throw me on the bed, and fuck me for hours and hours,” he whispered in Liam’s ear, letting his breath brush against Liam’s cheek, kissing a trail along his jaw line and down his neck. Liam shook his head slightly.   
“Forget about it.” Harry froze and stared at his boyfriend.  
“What the fuck, Liam? You can’t just come home after a week with the sweetest gift ever and then _not fuck me_!” Harry’s voice almost broke with desperation, but who could blame him? Blue balls didn’t even begin to describe the state he was in right now. 

“Relax, love,” Liam said with a smile, placing a kiss on his collarbone. “Do you really think I would let you get away tonight? Nuh-uh. I _will_ fuck you, just not in the bedroom. We are going to fuck right here, in this ridiculously romantic scenery you have created.” Harry felt his already throbbing cock grow even harder.   
“Are you gonna swipe everything off the table and throw me on there like in a movie?” Harry mocked, knowing it was completely against Liam’s nature to make a mess like that.   
“Well…” he started, “Maybe that’s not the best idea, I mean we’d burn this place to the ground with the candles and everything…” Harry laughed and placed a peck on Liam’s nose.   
“Tell you what, why don’t you bring the dishes back to the kitchen, and I’ll clear away any hazards left here?”   
Liam grabbed his face with both hands and kissed him with a loud smacking sound.   
“God, I love you,” he said and rushed off with the plates. 

Harry put the candles and flowers away from the table. Thankfully, Liam was taking his time with rinsing the dishes off before putting them in the sink, so Harry quickly stripped out of his clothes and lay back on the table. When Liam entered the room again, he stopped for a second, chocked by the sight. 

He started taking his shirt off while walking towards Harry with a huge grin spread across his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Gosh, I had no idea I was such a romantic??? This is so soppy, jesus)


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys hang out in a hotel room and it reminds Harry and Liam of when they first talked about their feelings for each other.

When they first started out as a band, Harry had hated their days off. He felt like nothing was happening and got bored almost right away. Now, when they had been doing this for quite a while, they cherished their days off like nothing else.  
It was the best feeling in the world to just lie around in a hotel room somewhere with the other boys in the band, actually having the time to hang out and talk to each other and just _be friends_ , basically. 

The sun was setting outside the windows, and the boys had just finished their dinner that had been delivered to the room. They were all crammed together on the king-size bed in Louis’s room, wearing their onesies. Just like old times.  
“Alright, who’s up for it?” Niall asked, grabbing one of the Xbox controllers.  
“I call United!” Louis said as he threw himself over the other one. Niall laughed.  
“Fine, I’ll be Barca then. I don’t mind winning 5-0.”  
“Mate, you know I’ll _destroy_ you no matter what team you pick,” Louis said. They started playing, shouting constantly at both each other and the game. 

Zayn was laying next to Louis, on Harry’s right. He was fiddling with his phone, scrolling through twitter or maybe texting Perrie. On Harry’s left was Liam, nuzzled up against his neck. Harry took his hand, and started drawing circles with his thumb on it. He could feel his boyfriend smile against his skin. 

When Liam had gotten back from his trip, they had only had a couple of days before heading off to the next leg of their tour. They had spent those nights in bed, just enjoying each other’s company. Harry didn’t have the heart to say anything about how he had been feeling; in fact, he had decided not to think about it. They didn’t have that much time just the two of them, and he didn’t want to ruin what little time they had.  
Before they knew it, they were on the road again, and then there wasn’t really any time for Harry to be feeling down. Being on stage was the best cure for anything. It made him so ridiculously happy.  
But even off stage, he stuck to his decision of not thinking about it. He told himself it wouldn’t make things any better. 

“You know what this reminds me of?” Liam whispered against his neck. Harry shook his head.  
“That time you told me you liked me.”  
“You mean when you freaked the fuck out about being gay?” Harry scoffed. Liam smacked his stomach.  
“Don’t even go there babe, just because you have no idea what it’s like,” Liam said, actually sounding a bit hurt. Harry kissed his head gently.  
“Hey, I was kidding. Besides, everything worked out just fine, didn’t it?” 

Liam didn’t say anything, he just kissed him. 

~

The days after Liam storming out of the room where they had shared their very first kiss, Harry couldn’t even get his band mate to make eye contact with him.  
Harry could see why it was a bit of an awkward situation for Liam. After all, he had never shown the slightest sign of being gay, or even being attracted to guys. But it wasn’t just a random guy off the street or in a club he had kissed; it was _Harry_ , who he was in a band with, who was one of his best friends, god dammit! 

Every time Harry would try and talk to Liam, the other boy seemed to find a way to be busy or on his way to do something _very_ important. A few days went by, and it was probably only Harry that noticed the way Liam was acting.  
They acted as if nothing had happened around the other boys and on stage and wherever else they went. It was just impossible for Harry to get even ten seconds in private with Liam. 

That was until Harry decided that enough was enough. They were all hanging out in Zayn’s hotel room, just chilling before the concert later that evening. Harry was laying on one of the sofas, scrolling through his phone, when he noticed Liam getting up.  
“Just gonna get my charger,” he explained, and left the room. Harry decided it was now or never. He counted to 30 before getting up as well.  
“Fuck, I’m out of battery, too,” he mumbled and hurried out of the room.  
Out in the corridor, he saw Liam walking out of his own room, charger in hand. When the other boy noticed Harry, he looked completely startled, and stopped for a second. Harry was sure he debated whether to go back in to his room or not.  
“Liam,” he said firmly, “you have to talk to me sooner or later.”  
“There’s nothing to talk about, Harry.”  
“Yes, there is.”  
“But maybe I don’t want to talk about it.”  
“We have to.”  
Liam sighed loudly. He realised he didn’t have a choice.  
“So, either we talk right here, or you let me in to your room,” Harry explained. Liam looked absolutely terrified at the thought of somebody walking out in the corridor, and waved him over.  
“Fine. Come on then,” he said and opened the door to his room. 

“So, you wanna tell me what that was all about the other day?” Harry said as he closed the door behind him. Liam wasn’t looking at him; he was busy tugging at the hem of his shirt.  
“I don’t know,” he whispered. “It wasn’t all me.”  
“Well, no, but I know why I did it. And why I wanted to do it.”  
“Have you always been into boys, Harry?” Liam asked, voice shaky. Harry didn’t know what to say; he rarely thought about who he was into and not. It was just one of those things that is impossible to explain. Either you like someone, or you don’t. 

“I don’t know… I mean, no? Or well, I’ve never really thought about it like that. There have been boys I’ve liked before, sure. But there have been girls as well. It doesn’t really matter to me.”  
Liam looked like he was close to tears.  
“I swear to god Harry, I have never liked another guy before in my entire life! I mean, it’s just… You know? I don’t have anything against gay people, you know that. But I just always thought I was supposed to like girls, and I did. Never thought about it, either. But then… Then _you_ came along.”  
“Then I came along? What’s that supposed to mean?” Harry asked, and Liam actually turned his head away from him. He scratched the back of his neck and sighed.  
“I don’t _know_ , Harry! It’s just you and your ways and… You make me laugh and you are so _good_ to me, but then you run off and I’m always afraid that you’ll get yourself in trouble, and I always worry about you because I’d _kill myself_ if I let anything bad happen to you. You know, you’re just so sweet and you’re a little baby but then again you _aren’t_ , you know when you are acting all professional or something… Good god. I mean, _what am I even saying?_ You just _mess me up_ , and you’re so fucking _cute_ but then you’re so fucking _sexy_ and I _cannot believe I just said that_ , but… I mean, your eyes and your curls and your body and your _hands_ …” Liam stopped. His face was turning redder by the second, and when he looked up at Harry, he looked like he was going to faint. Harry almost felt sorry for him. It couldn’t be easy to have to confess something like this for the first time. But he couldn’t stop the smirk that was spreading across his face. 

“You think I’m sexy?” he asked as he slowly walked up to Liam.  
“Tha- I… You-“ Liam was completely lost for words. “-That’s not the _point_ , Harry!”  
“It’s a vital point, Liam,” he stated with a smile.  
“This is serious, Harry!” Liam almost yelled at him. “I think I’m gay!”  
Harry shrugged.  
“So what if you are?”  
“I… I can’t be gay, Harry! Not just like that! I’ve been into girls my whole life, and then just because I met you, I became a gay guy?”  
“I don’t really think it’s something you _become_ , Li.”  
“Well, but… That’s my point! I have only liked girls before, and now I like a guy.”  
“So you’re bi, then,” Harry said with another shrug. Liam’s mouth opened and closed as if he was trying to say something but not being able to. After a couple of seconds, he threw himself on his bed, looking defeated. Harry sat down and the other boy lifted himself up so that they were sitting next to each other. 

“So… You like me?” Harry asked, looking awfully smug.  
“I… I don’t know, Harry.” _You just said you did, silly_ , Harry wanted to say but he didn’t. He could see that this was really tough for Liam and he didn’t want to push it.  
“Well, just so you know… I like you. If that’s okay.” He smiled at Liam, who managed to smile back.  
“Yeah, I guess that’s okay.”  
“Is… This okay?” Harry asked, as he moved closer to Liam, slowly leaning in for a kiss. The other boy nodded, and Harry closed his eyes. 

When their lips finally met, the entire room was spinning. He tried to make the kiss last forever, gently placing one of his hands on Liam’s neck, carefully caressing the hairs in the back of his neck. Still not sure if Liam was completely on board, he was being cautious, slowly parting his lips and letting his tongue graze the other boy’s mouth. When Liam parted his lips to let Harry’s tongue in, he moved slightly closer and put one of his hands on Liam’s thigh. That was probably taking it one step too far, because Liam pulled away from him, looking down at Harry’s hand. 

“I’m sorry, Li,” he said and quickly pulled it away. Liam shook his head.  
“It’s fine. I liked it. Just… not yet, okay?” Liam said, taking Harry’s hand in his own, squeezing it gently. Harry smiled and placed a gentle peck on his cheek. 

“I won’t mind waiting.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again with the soppy romantic stuff, shit. I should probably give you a heads up that this story will get a lot darker and Harry will not stay this happy.  
> But all my Lirry feels right now are making it hard to write something sad! Haha xx 
> 
> Feedback is always appreciated :) http://laurentiapayne.tumblr.com/


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys are almost leaving for the american leg of their tour, and Harry remembers how his mother found out about him and Liam.

Harry woke up to the intoxicating smell of coffee. As he inhaled it, he thought about how strange it was that Liam didn’t even like the glorious, amazing beverage. He stretched out and…  
Wait. _Liam didn’t even like coffee_.  
Harry slowly patted the ball of duvet that was lying next to him and yes, it was moving. He opened his eyes and saw Liam’s head rested just a few inches away from his own shoulder, eyes still closed. He gulped. That meant…  
“Wakey wakey, Har-“ His mum froze the second she looked at the bed. She was holding a cup of coffee in each hand, but judging by the look on her face, neither of them was made for Liam. “I… I’m so sorry!” she said as she backed out of the room quickly.  
Harry looked over at Liam who was now awake, staring up at the ceiling with a look of absolute terror in his eyes. He could literally see his boyfriend’s heart pounding hard against the inside of his chest.  
“Stay here, Liam. I’ll talk to her.” He quickly pulled a pair of sweatpants on and left the room before Liam could say anything. 

Anne was sat in the kitchen, her arms against the kitchen table, head rested in the palms of her hands.  
“Mum?” Harry almost whispered, and she looked up at him. “Are you crying?”  
She inhaled slowly through her nose and shook her head. _Oh really, is that why there are tears in your eyes_ , Harry thought to himself but didn’t say anything. He walked over and took a seat on the chair opposite of his mother’s.  
“Why are you upset?” he asked.  
“Why didn’t you tell me?” she replied.  
A sigh escaped Harry’s lips.  
“We didn’t tell anyone!”  
“You and I tell each other _everything_ , Harry,” she whispered, and it hurt because Harry knew it was true. He felt so guilty.  
“I was going to tell you, I swear,” he tried.  
“When?”  
“When it got… Serious…”  
“He spent the night naked in your bed, Harry.” _That doesn’t make it serious_ , would’ve been a good comeback if it weren’t his _mother_ he was talking to, and if she wasn’t completely right. He didn’t know what to say. 

“Mum, I swear… No one knows about this except for the boys.”  
“You told the boys?” _Ouch_. More guilt.  
“Well, no?” She lifted one of her eyebrows at him. “We didn’t! They… You know… Figured it out. Just like you did.”  
“And what happens next time you get caught, huh? Who’s it gonna be then, Harry? One of your managers? A fan? A journalist?”  
“Stop it! We are really careful, I mean really, _really_ careful. The boys caught us when we were all hanging out just the five of us at Liam’s place, and you caught us in my flat. Don’t we get to be ourselves at least in our own homes? Can’t I spend the night with my boyfriend in my own bed? You’re the only one who could get in here without me knowing. We are being careful, I promise.”  
“Boyfriend?”  
“Yes mum, Liam is my boyfriend.”  
Anne looked at him in despair, and sighed loudly.  
“I don’t get it, sweetheart. Why are you keeping this a secret?”  
“Because Liam doesn’t want anyone to know,” Harry mumbled, feeling like he was telling on his boyfriend.  
“What?”  
“He doesn’t want anyone to know. He’s not ready. You know… People think he’s completely straight. It’s been really tough on him, all of this.”  
“How could he not want the world to know that he’s got the most beautiful and fantastic boyfriend in the history of the universe?” God, Harry loved his mum. It was cheesy and cliché and she had to say it, but he also knew that she actually meant it. He smiled.  
“I don’t know, mum. He’s just not ready.”  
“And how are you handling that, then?”  
“Wha… I… What? There’s nothing I can do about it, is there? I’m just gonna have to support him. Hopefully, one day he’ll be ready to tell.”  
“And what if he isn’t? Are you just gonna go your whole life being in a secret relationship?” Harry shrugged. There was no point trying to argue his mum about this; as much as he hated to admit it, she said exactly what he had been thinking throughout his entire relationship with Liam. And it hurt because hearing it from someone else made him realise what a shitty position he was in.  
“I don’t know, mum,” he answered, voice full of honest and hurt. 

Anne grabbed his hands over the table and looked him deeply in the eyes. He knew she could see right through him, that she could see all the pain and sorrow he’d been putting inside the little box deep inside his head.  
“So why do you do it, sweetheart? Why do you put yourself through this?” Harry sighed and looked down at their hands, fingers tangled tightly together. He thought long and hard, but there was only one thing in his head.  
“Because he’s worth it.”  


She studied his face for a bit longer, and when she had decided he was telling the truth she gave him a little smile. Harry squeezed her hands and she squeezed back, smiling even bigger. There was no reason for either of them to be cross with each other, and Harry knew she was really happy for him.  
“Well? Are you going to introduce me to this _boyfriend_ of yours?” Anne said with a smirk.  
“Be right back,” Harry said and rushed back to the bedroom. 

“Liam?” he said with a light knock on the door. When he opened it, he saw Liam lying on his side, fiddling with his phone. Harry smiled. “My mum wants to meet my boyfriend.”  
“You serious?” A huge smile spread across Liam’s face. Harry nodded and started laughing when he saw his boyfriend literally leaping off the bed and sprinting towards him. Liam jumped up and threw his arms around the longer boy’s neck, and Harry actually spun him around. It would’ve been romantic as fuck if Harry could actually hold Liam’s weight, and if Liam hadn’t been completely naked.  
“Oh my god, Harry,” Liam said when he was back on the floor. He looked Harry deep in the eyes while trying to catch his breath. “Oh my fucking god, Harry! I… I’m so _nervous_ , what is going on?!” They both laughed.  
“Come on, babe. She already knows and loves you.”  
“Well, that was before she realised I was fucking her baby boy.”  
“Just put some clothes on and you’ll be fine,” Harry said with a little laugh, and threw him a pair of shorts. “And maybe leave out the part about you fucking me, yeah?”  
Liam pulled a hoodie over his messy morning hair and placed a loud, sloppy kiss on Harry’s cheek. They left the room hand in hand. 

“Hi, Anne,” Liam said shyly when they entered the kitchen. Harry’s mother looked up and a huge smile spread across her face when she saw them.  
“Hello, sweetie,” she said and got up to give him a hug. Harry couldn’t stop himself from smiling as they sat down at the table together. 

~

“I love you both so much,” Anne said as she pulled them both in for a hug. Harry kissed her cheek and pulled away. He let his fingers graze Liam’s hand swiftly, but pulled them away when he felt his boyfriend flinch. Liam looked over at his parents, who were talking to Zayn and his mum.  
“Don’t worry, they’re not looking, there’s nothing to be embarrassed about,” Harry mumbled and Liam gave him a hurt look.  
“You know that’s not it,” Liam muttered. They stared intensely at each other for a few seconds, not sure what to say next. Harry just wanted to scream at him, telling him to just get over himself. That it wasn’t a big deal, and that everybody would understand.  
But he knew that they wouldn’t, he knew that Liam was right in his worry. His parents wouldn’t be as amazingly approving as Anne had been, back when she had found out about them. But that was different. She knew her son through and through and had never judged him for who he did or did not like.  
Liam’s parents weren’t like that. Not that they didn’t love him for who he was. It was just they were more _traditional_ , as Liam always described them, and Harry knew he was right. But he couldn’t help thinking that if _anyone_ could change the way they looked at two boys being in love, it would be their own son. 

 

It was the last show of the UK part of their tour. After tonight, they’d be flying off to America for the next couple of months. Harry was happy about it. Mostly.  
He loved America, every single thing about it. The weather, the beautiful places, the people there… Everything was just more relaxed there, including the media. Sure, they were all over them, but they were never rude like back home in England. Everybody _loved_ them in America, and it was great. He was really looking forward to it. Except for one thing.

Of course, the boys would be away from home for quite a long time. And as much as they would like to, they couldn’t bring all their loved ones with them for the whole time. But who could be without their _lover_ for a good two months in a row? No one, obviously. And since no one knew who Liam’s real lover was, they would have to fly his fake one out there along with Perrie and Eleanor.  
Harry didn’t mind having Danielle around. (No really, he didn’t.) She was a nice girl who had been friends with all of the boys for years now. It was just… Having her around made him feel more distant from Liam than ever. He could play around all he wanted with Liam on stage, touching him, singing to him, whatever. At the end of the night he still had to watch his boyfriend leave wherever they were hand in hand with someone else. And it hurt. No matter how fake he knew it was, it was still so inexplicably painful. 

It wasn’t just that they had to fake it whenever someone could see them. Liam was so overly jittery about the whole thing, that he actually sort of ignored Harry whenever Dani was around. Harry was sure it wasn’t intentionally, and the rest of the boys probably got just as neglected as him. But that wasn’t the point.  
The point was that he made himself stay in this relationship through thick and thin _solely_ because of the moments when he could finally have Liam all to himself. When they could sneak away to kiss quietly in an empty corner of the backstage area. When they climbed in to bed together after a really great concert. When they carefully gripped each other’s hands under the table at a crowded dinner. That was what Harry lived for. That was why he put up with having to go through interview after interview claiming he was single, and hearing Liam talk about his loving girlfriend.  
But when Danielle came on tour with them, he didn’t even get that. Liam was a completely different person when she was around. He clung to her side like a koala clings to a tree. And it made Harry turn to other things for comfort. Whether it happened to be drinking too much or being too _touchy-feely_ with the other boys, he didn’t like it. But he couldn’t stop himself from doing it. 

“You boys have a great show tonight, alright? And you stay safe in America! We’ll be here to kiss you goodbye afterwards but I know what you’ll be like by then,” Liam’s mother said with a little laugh. “So you’ll get the lecture now, love. Keep in touch, okay? Call us straight away when you’ve landed. And when you get to the hotel. And when…”  
“Yes mum, I will call you all the time, I get it,” Liam said with a patient smile on his face. Karen gently petted his cheek.  
“I love you Liam. Stay safe. And promise to come back home,” she said and pulled him in for a hug.  
“I love you too, mum. I couldn’t leave you back here, you know that,” he said and laughed. Harry watched them hug each other tightly. When they pulled away from each other, Karen wiped a few tears away from the corner of her eye.  


“Have a safe flight, Harry,” she said and hugged him lightly. 

The fact that that was all she had to say to him on a night like this was like a stab in the back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I suck for being so slow at posting this but I've been dealing with some personal stuff and haven't really been in the mood to write, but it's all good now! 
> 
> I can't believe how messy this story is though omg i'm so sorry haha. xx


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